2001-07-18 - 11:47 a.m.

How come it is that when you have love for someone, you always feel as if your going to loose them? And when you dont have a love, your afraid youll never get the chance to embrace or experience it? Sometimes you love someone so much that you want to be thier crutch, in all situations possible. You want to be the first person the come to with anything... may it be a problem, a happy thought, or a sad one... whatever it may be. You just want to be the most filled in. You want to be the one that knows what goes through their mind before they do. The person that embraces every twitch, movement, every sigh, and every gasp. You just want to be "the ultimate" person to them. Perfect, you know. The funniest, the most serious, outragous, cutest, friendliest, smartest, sexiest, most attractive person to them. You want to be everything in their eyes. And its hard when you finally see someone in that kind of a light, and get jealous that others might begin to see them in the light too, and be reeled in as much as you were, and still are. How can you NOT feel responsible for something that is the most precious thing to you? How can you turn yourself off to care? I care, and sometimes I wish that for argument sakes, that I really didnt. Sometimes, I know Im wrong, sometimes, I know Im right. And alot of times, I just dont care.... i just would rather see it end, and be content once more. Move on... go on..... if it means saying a Im sorry and you know that you should not be the one saying it, who cares.... just say it, and mean it in a way to where you just want to go on in life, with them, rather than argue just to escalate it further. Am I sorry??? Yes, actually I am. Im sorry for alot of things I CANT help, Im also sorry for the things I CAN. If this means I am the smaller person, so be it, Im rich in love, and I have a healthy mind still, thats all I care. Im sorry for things that I cause, Im sorry for things I dont intend to cause, Im sorry for being the one who always wants to be next to you, Im sorry for being the one who wants to hear your voice every minute, and Im not sorry that I love you, Im just sorry that I love you too much.

Im just sorry that I cant say sorry enough.

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