2001-07-18 - 10:53 a.m.

I am secluded in the silence of the shadowy distance. Standing tarnished and rusted in the black and whites of exsistance. Battered, tattered, beaten by all that i've allowed to do so. Desolated in my own fears, contented in myself, but never others. Beginning to fear where I am, where I might be if I step forward, and already fearing what I know Ive stepped into. Convulsing hands reap my tear felt hunger for survival. I am hungry for the taste of something delicate and pure. Something that has definition, and distinction. Shaking between my own layers of skin... looking into myself and seeing this drab flesh, hanging piece by peice off the chill bone that remains paralyzed. Unmovable, unbearable, but not unbreakable. I am beaten,... I am at a loss for words, at a loss for myself. I am beaten by all. This is my cry for the war to stop. The war that has murded my body, cemented me to my blacks, cemented me to my whites, and left me for my chlostrophobia. Im throwing up my white flag, letting my pride down, and calling this war to cease. Left to my flesh, I realize that its too late......

Ive allowed my self to die before I could find the words to say stop.

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