2002-06-16 - 4:45 p.m.

I cannot bear just sitting there as if my whole body doesnt want to be cuddled right next to yours. While your talking, my eyes are watching your lips move through my glasses, I cannot take it. I cant take feeling as though when we were out, all I wanted to do was ask you to dance, but I wasnt going to be the one to make the move as I always do. I cannot take this. I cannot take being friends, or whatever the hell we are......... But I know that I would feel worse if I didnt see you at all. Why cant it be easy. You do love me, right? I dont understand. Everytime I leave you I cry, and I hate it. Because I know that your not where I am at mentally right now. Because I know that I want you and Im content with that. but yet, at the same time I dont want it if its like this; its torture. Im deeply in love with a woman who's not sure what she wants and I dont know what to do, or how to live in the meantime.

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