2004-10-09 - 1:44 p.m.

So, in the last entry I told you about how I met this girl, Megan. We are still together, its been 3 months next Saturday, which is ironically also Sweetest Day (how cute). I have a whole bunch of cute ideas but she has to work on Saturday, too. Hmmm...
Anyhow, I got home last night from hanging out at the bar with a few friends.... and there is two notes directing me to read my email, and someone laying in my bed. Im thinkin.. hmmm... what is going on? So, I open this email.. and its Megan's journal entry from yesterday. You see, Megan lied to me about something these whole 3 months we've been together.... but, I will give it to her that she had a good reason to. But at the same time, still not cool. Well, this email goes on and on about how great and amazing and perfect I am and how Megan just doesnt deserve me... And Im sitting there reading this email thinking, first of all, you do deserve me, you are beautiful, you are everything to me that I am to you. So, turn that letter around and direct towards yourself, because thats how I feel about you.
I mean, I *love* this girl. She is awesome. She does all the little things that I do for her right back to me, plus some.. I mean.. she leaves TRAILs of little notes that you have to read while your walking into a room... she leaves me cards ALL the time.... she comes over and makes the bed almost everyday before she does anything.. she writes little notes and puts my keys on the note so that I read, "Have a good day, I love you" as Im picking up my keys to walk out the door. She is great. There is just one thing that bothers me so much. She gets upset about stuff and it seems that she just gets very distant, very stuffy, very cold to me... and I always think its my fault.. like I did something.. and I hate feeling like Ive always done something wrong. She does deserve me, I just wish she would talk to me more about things that are bothering her. She was like that yesterday,.. and finally, I was like,.. you know what, Im going to just leave her alone... let her think about whatever she needs to think about and Im going to go out to get my mind off of it. So, obviously I did. And Megan was in my bed when I got home, with this email in my inbox. She does deserve me, she really does. We all have our faults... and things that are hard old habits we need to break... but Im trying to at least help her acknowledge them right now, and I hope she does the same for me. I want to be a better person, too. Above all, Im really trying to be a better friend right now. Thats an altogether different story. But, I am really trying to be more attentive, and be more understanding and compassionate to my friends. And I realized,... and Megan made me realize how important it is and how valuable it is to pay attention to them and single them out if need be to spend time with them. But, the best advice that Ive gotten on that topic actually didnt even come from Megan. It took someone yelling at me at the top of their lungs.. someone calling me a horrible friend over and over for me to finally realize that maybe I wasnt that good of a person to people. (I'll write more about this in another entry sometime, back to the real subject).
So, anyway, this girl and I have so much fun. I can laugh with her for hours... be retarted with her... watch movies and veg out with her... lay under the stars on a blanket in the middle of the night in my backyard and just star-gaze together... hell, even fall asleep covered in blankets while star-gazing was fun. I love her.... I love her... I LOVE her. She DOES deserve me... and you know what... I deserve her, too. I think she is SO beautiful... and, no, not because Im biased. And who cares if it was because I was biased? I think she's beautiful,... PERIOD...end of story. She is *SEXY*, gorgeous, intelligent, smooth, clumsy, contridicting, dorkish... she is just so down to earth and open about life... I love it. I love everything about her. And, I do love your body... oh, so much, I really, really do. Thats why I always kiss your stomach. You have nothing to worry about because I think ALL of you is beautiful. I love you naked, you are so beautiful, I wish I could sit and stare at you for hours... I would be so content. But Im not sure if I could just SIT there... I would have to make love to you. Ive never felt so connected to someone while having sex. Sometimes I just want to light a whole bunch of candles and stay in bed with you for hours and talk, and make love, and explore each other. But, it seems we never have time for that, but I think we should make time.... I love you so much. You are beautful in every way I could possibly even imagine. I love you with all of my heart, and trust me, thats a lot because since I met you, its grown and filled so much with love. Everytime we kiss I STILL get butterflies... Everytime we lay and just stare at each other I still loose my breath watching your eyes watch me. I still love watching your face when we make love, your beautiful, and I have so much love for you right then. I cant believe youd talk about my eyes being beautiful, because yours are... breathtaking... everything about you is breathtaking. The sight of you is breathtaking.
I am so PROUD of you, and everything you are. Thats why I have two tests on my frig that say 100% on them. Im so proud of you.... I want to be here for you though.. thats all I ask... to be able to help you when you are sad, to be a shoulder to cry on when you are down. And, with me... your allowed to cry ALL you want. Whenever you want.
I love that your my best friend. I couldnt ask for a better one. And, yes, I still very much trust you.

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